Dear future g-Style subscribers,
It has come to my attention that people generally don’t take things in moderation. I cite all the alcoholics, foodaholics, sexaholics, and hydrocodone-aholics in the world. People also don’t like stuff that’s very lengthy, even if the Extenze commercials would purport otherwise (using their oh-so slutty actresses). 'He's been taking Extenze for a week, and I can really feel the difference.' Liars...
The epiphany came after one of my friends texted me saying my ‘blog is hilarious!’ but commented that I’m ‘letting [my] readers down’ by not having had posted this past week. It also came after another of my friends commented on about a dozen posts in a row. So at least 2 people have a tendency to read several posts at once to catch up.
I’m not sure if anyone actually checks in everyday to see if there’s another post up. If there is such a kindred soul, I do apologize for my lack of regularity (I should buy some yogurt or bifidus regularis). This is a problem that simply has to be addressed immediately. Some of my more demanding (rude) customers would put their left fist on their hip, lean over slightly, give a reproving sneer, wag their index finger threateningly and say, ‘So how are we going to fix this?’
*dramatic drum roll*
The Final Countdown with Will Arnett as GOB, my favorite character from Arrested Development.
I am adopting a magazine style with a weekly summary of last week’s blog entries so you can figure out what you want to read. All writings for a week will likely have been finished before Monday and will be released daily at 9AM. I am tentatively setting Monday as my summary day, where I get to pat myself on the back and laugh at all my jokes and cry all my crocodile tears. It will be where I try to kiss the reflection in the water; hopefully I won’t fall in and drown.
Seeing as I will have composed all my crap before the week has even started and will have started forward posting them, delayed-release style, the daily readers will be satisfied. And because of the week-end summary on Monday, my buffet-ers will be pleased.
And hopefully I’ll get more consistent, loyal readership. So get off Amazon.com, Buy.com, Overstock.com, Macys.com, [porn site deleted].com, or any other website that detracts from my ego. Grab my blog-azine off the cyber rack, look through the table of contents, gawk at pretty pictures of Marisa Miller in nightvision, and enjoy the musings of the ever so slightly insane.
-g
editor-in-chief, g Style Blog-azine(TM)
Who do you suggest I use as my new pretty-girl substitute? I think Marisa’s posse might be considering to threaten me with some litigation.
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