The Finger Snap

Dear snappers of fingers,

I was never a waiter, and I pray that I’ll never have to be a waiter. That job can be more difficult than my Monday nights, and the compensation is far less. Plus, people snap their fingers at waiters to get their attention. The worst I get is the lean over the counter, the scan of the pharmacy (which instead of just looking left and right with their eyes, they insist on moving their whole head to make a grand show), and the snide, ‘So you’re the only one here, huh?’ or ‘So they left you all alone?’

Being a retail employee (a serf to the many wannabe kings, queens, princes, princesses and even the court jester), I have the utmost respect and courtesy to other retail employees when warranted. And so as long as it looks like they’re trying and not just sitting behind the counter playing with their iPhone or Droid or themselves, then I don’t mind waiting a bit. And I never snap my fingers at anyone because it is so incredibly rude, and my food probably would have an odd taste and smell.

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
I do bite my thumb, sir.
Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?*

But I do snap my fingers though, but in private and as a means of celebration for little victories over the dismal-er part of life. It’s like when adolescents and people of the inner-city ilk (myself included) do the multi-part handshake (the handshake, the clasping of palms, the lean-in for the chest bump/hug, the release, and finally the finga snap) and finish with a finger snap that looks like the person is trying to light a match. I haven’t grown to think that this is childish just yet, though I do try to keep my finger snaps private as much as possible.

The lighting-of-a-match finger snap, that was formerly solely reserved as the finish of the coolest** way two guys can greet each other, has insidiously found its way into my everyday routine, like the Asian carp in the Great Lakes. The Asian carp is just happy where it is in its new environment, but people just don’t understand and are trying to suppress it. So the celebratory finger snap, like the Asian carp, will remain hidden until a time when it becomes an acceptable sign of victory, like the V-sign*** 2000 years ago.
--

*Romeo & Juliet, Act 1, Scene 1, Lines 44-46.
**this is debatable. Some people are of the opinion that the multi-part handshake is just stupid. I happen to be of the opinion that the people of the former opinion are themselves stupid, and therefore have no grounds to call anyone else stupid.
***Supposedly, the V is the one in Caesar's 'Veni, vidi, vici', and he threw it up in victory and the trend caught on****. But over the centuries and millennia, the V has become utterly antiquated, but some presidents (our current one excluded) insisted on throwing it up in celebration (‘Mission Accomplished’!). Or maybe he was trying to throw up the ‘dubya’?

****I made this up.