Dear Letterman watchers,
Periodically, people will re-release some of their hit CDs/DVDs in an improved format. They will pick a precious metal or a fancy word to prefix or suffix the rebundling. Some of the gibberish include the super deluxe edition, the gold edition, the platinum edition, the greatest hits, the greatest-er edition, the double remastered super-secret version [limited], etc.
Let's call it for what it is: a ploy to gouge loyal fans. But since it costs you zilch to subscribe to my blog (Click the 'FOLLOW' button on the right hand side of the screen!), my gambit to re-release my old posts from my previous blog will be met by zero criticism. If not, send me a complaint and I'll reduce your monthly subscription charge by half.
So here's the first in the Super Platinum Improved Diamond-Enhanced Remastered edition, which shall be henceforth known as the SPIDER re-releases.
Enjoy!
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Oct 23, 2009
I had told some pledges in my fraternity to go visit my blog. And they best do what I tell them, lest they desire some more physical/psychological...ummm... education? No, 'education' still sounds kind of bad. Don't worry--hazing went the way of Lindsay Lohan (where is she now by the way? I saw a really bad picture of her in STAR magazine that I happened pass at the grocery stand). Don't call the university police on us--we swear they do stuff of their own free will.
...although being forced to read my blog may constitute hazing...
Anyway, if you weren't 'requested' to visit my blog, here's the top 10 reasons to stick around and feast on my wordplay (or lack thereof):
10) I asked you to come to my blog. And if you're my friend, you would do what I ask. (sounds like I'm channeling the logic of last girl I went out with)
9) You really have nothing better to do. Would you rather be studying? And I write good-er than most of that crap on the racks. (start groveling) Note to editors of the crap on the racks: I love your selection, please let me be a part of your genius. (end groveling)
8) I'm an attention whore, not unlike Paris Hilton. If you don't read and think about us, we fade away like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. And you wouldn't want to be responsible for killing off Santa or a bunny, would you?
7) Seriously, I'm trying to develop a sense of style in order to write a book that would be publishable. I'd like feedback on what you like, don't like, and what you think is 'overdone.' Stuff sounds good in my head, but people tell me differently (oftentimes).
6) This is like my diary posted to the world. You get to see the inner workings of a madman before I become one of those street hustlers with a sign that reads 'The End is Nigh' with a subtitle that reads " 'Nigh' is old-school for 'Near'... go read a f--kin book!" I hope the world doesn't end in 2012--I would only get through 0.00005% of the girls in the world.
5) I think my story is truly unique. There's plenty of Asians who are forced into the medical profession because of trying to bring 'honor' to the family similar to Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club. But I was supposed to be 'redemption' for the 'sins' of my father. I've also lived in the Caribbean (St. Lucia), Brooklyn, and El Paso.
4) Though I hide it very well when I'm trying to be professional, I'm ghetto-made. You get to read about a rags to riches story. I grew up in the project housing of Houston, I went to inner-city schools, I ate bologna and ramen before college because 'we was po', and I listen to hardcore gangsta rap because I truly relate to it. If I'm not a rose that grew from concrete, I'm certainly at least a dandelion.
3) Reading my stuff will hopefully inspire you to read some of my favorite all time classics like Ellison's Invisible Man, Joyce's Portrait of the Artist, or Lawrence's Sons and Lovers. Put down this modern era drivel (except my book when it comes out--my stuff will be like instant fine wine), and pick up Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. That book's accessible enough and is a pretty quick read.
2) If I get at least 5,000 followers, I'll take 20k out of savings and go to the Bunny Ranch outside Vegas and have a menage a quatre with blond triplet bombshells. And I'll give you all the sordid details! If I don't get 5,000 followers...I'll do it anyway, but you won't get to hear about it.
...who am I kidding? What guy can keep a menage a anything a secret?
1) I write for you all, people like myself, or those who can relate in some minute way to myself. I figure as long as you take care of yourself and your family and you don't hurt others, you can go follow your dreams. And you shouldn't let people tell you otherwise. Go write a book, go become an actress or model, go become a player or pimp (okay that hurts people, so don't do that), go buy a nice car, go splurge on a purse, whatever. Just first remember to bury your dead (Matthew 8:21), i.e., fulfill your obligations.
That's that. Read my blog. Keep me alive. You can tell people one day you read 'g' when he was just a lowly blogger in the vast oblivion of the internet.
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Commentary: Like any good Widescreen Deluxe 2-disc edition, there are obligatory extra features on the second disc which generally includes poor commentary overlaying one of the cast's favorite episodes. Only the film nerds enjoy it.
...until now! You will definitely get a kick out of my off-color commentary of my already off-color posts.*
*These words have not been verified by the Food and Drug Administration for accuracy. Don't sue g like they sued Airborne.
3 comments:
7) I like how you used "overdone." Although, I don't appreciate how I didn't get credit for adding that to your vocabulary. Actually, it is my co-workers to whom you should give credit for adding it to my vocabulary.
3) I still have not been successful at reading Invisible Man. I have started it maybe 3 times. I have enjoyed what I have read so far. The last time, I got to the part where he was riding down the road with someone (which still isn't that far into the book, if I remember correctly).
7) I retract my previous comment about not giving me credit for "overdone." Thanks to the most recent SPIDER re-release, I saw that you had done so in regards to my feelings about your watch. As your friend and brother, I hope that you don't hold that memory lapse against me.
I'd never hold it against you. You're the one who woke me up for the important stuff in pharmacy school. :) And I agree it is a bit difficult to follow Ellison oftentimes during his stream of consciousness style.
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