SPIDER: Creepy Customer Service

SPIDER Re-Release, part two of ?

Just a bit of background: I had recently started my new job, and it was a few weeks after orientation.

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Sep 4, 2009

Multiple Choice: What would be appropriate in providing superior customer service?

C) If a customer is not looking your way, you should look continuously into their eyes until they notice you. (not the right answer, also notice pronoun-antecedent disagreement)

I changed around some words, because I signed away my soul and the souls of my unborn children saying I would not reveal any proprietary information. I signed something that bound my ‘heirs’ to something or another. I wonder if anyone actually refuses to sign the 1000 documents HR puts on the desk. What about lawyers--do they really read what their comrades have written?

Anyway, during the obligatory online training course, I came across the top line. I stopped and laughed. And laughed again. And continued laughing. That’s awesome. It gave me ideas about what to do the next time I saw an attractive girl. Stare continuously into her eyes until she notices me. Perfect! Unfortunately, after she makes eye contact, her face contorts into a look of disgust, then fear. Then she informs her hulking mass of a boyfriend of that creepy guy that stared into her eyes, whilst I stand dazed as if blinded by the life-giving rays from the stars which are her eyes that are miraculously outshined by the opalescence of the beauty of her face. Then I proceed to get pounded. That’s how that would end. Oh bitter pain, thy name is LUST.

The thing I like about growing older is that I think I have a more realistic expectation of relationships and of women. I used to think back in school that if I were to be able to talk to that one special girl, all the pieces of my life would fall into place. We would date, we would be intimate, we would start living together, and we would get married. Simple as that. The semester would pass, and then a new girl would replace my idol. And another semester and another girl. On and on, ad infinitum*.

Then I grew up. It’s a bit too long to put down in an entry, but I hope I can make sense of it in a chapter in my book. As a little kid, I thought people grow more mature as they got older. One of my sayings is, ‘As men grow older, they don’t become more mature; they simply grow better at hiding their immaturity.’ I think most women would agree in principle, if only for a laugh.

But in all honestly and seriousness, I think something just happens in person that makes them want something or another. Development in homo sapiens male does not happen via drift, or gradually; it happens via shifts, or dynamic changes. A man can go from wanting a relationship to wanting flings to wanting to bang teenie boppers or cougars. I want to be a man who accepts and embraces his own ideas and thoughts because they originate from him. F--- everybody else. How very Emersonian**, eh?

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* Latin for ‘to infinity’? If it isn’t, then I mean to say ‘to infinity’ but in a smug way via use of a foreign language.

** Emerson didn’t literally say ‘F--- everybody else’ in ‘Self-Reliance,’ but he might as well have. He tried not to associate with anyone who didn’t ‘f--- everybody else.’

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Director's Cut Commentary: One of my friends liked the line 'whilst I stand dazed as if blinded by the life-giving rays from the stars which are her eyes that are miraculously outshined by the opalescence of the beauty of her face'. Reading my post again, I really dig it myself. Excuse the ego.