Roller Coaster of Emotion

As logical and rational as I appear to be most times, I am a swirling vortex of wild emotion. It's like I'm Spock in a way. These past few days, I've been facing off with the latest bouts of inadequacy but like all things, it came to pass. This time was because a waitress was extra nice, and I probably could have gotten a date. But she was not my type at all. It's like how my married friend, a skinny Anglo with light blue eyes, is catnip to thick African-American servers at Popeye's. We're just fishing with the wrong bait!

And just this morning, I received news that the trajectory of my life may finally be heading in the right direction. But even if that doesn't pan out, I am confident there will be brighter days ahead. Not to say that these are dark days (I mean how can a month in Europe be dark? Well besides those crappy days when it was cold, wet, and overcast).

This afternoon, I'm turning in the 60-day notice for the apartment which was witness to possibly the darkest time in my life. In a way, it was the necessary year of purgatory needed to rectify many of the issues I had put off in a fool's quest for fame and fortune, such fickle and fleeting mistresses.

All I want now is a sense of wholeness, of the pieces finally fitting together to make the Picasso-portrait of my self-image. Though I am not where I want to be, I know that I can and will get there. It has become no longer a question of "if?" but "when?"

(if things turn out well, I may have to wait 2-3 hours on a weekend to ride this again)

So here is to the roller coaster ride that is my life and my psyche. Hopefully the peaks and valleys will be much less pronounced from here on out. I'm getting too old for this mess! I just realized I can no longer classify myself as "early 20s" anymore :(