Are Phone Holsters Douche-y?

Dear commentators,

This is a question of vital importance! Are phone holsters douche-y? What about the horizontal ones? Here's a post by some guy with a crackberry whose ass has done incoherent things with his phone, so he's wondering whether he should get the holster that automatically locks the phone when it's in its sleeve.

(let's ignore the debate about whether crackberry's are douche-y)

A little background:

I have always had a flip phone, so ass-dialing has never been a problem for me, especially since I've always kept my phone in my front pockets. My first phone was a clamshell monstrosity, complete with grayscale screen that came prepacked with a cheesy plastic holster which I didn't even remove from the wrapping. I had baggier jeans in high school, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

Two years later, I upgraded to the trusty, ubiquitous Motorola Razr, which after almost 4 years has finally crapped out on me (I take care of my stuff well). The sight that turned me off of cell holsters was when I saw some Asian middle-aged man with work boots, button down striped shirt tucked into faded jeans, and a plastic holster with a Razr attached.

I felt like screaming, 'WTF? Is the Razr so thick that it couldn't fit in your pockets? It's called the RAZR!!! How big of a douche are you?'

At times, I wished that my Razr was thinner, especially considering that its counterpart in the other front pocket is a svelte Coach Leather card case barely reaching 0.4" thick when fully loaded. Why I haven't had more compliments on my taste is beyond my comprehension.

But my current phone, the Motorola Droid, though a very sleek and sessy* beast, is decidedly heftier than my previous cells, like the fuller women in Renaissance paintings. And though it will fit in my pocket, there is a very noticeable bulge. And just forget about using the front pockets of a pair of slacks.

Before I bought my phone, I had come to the decision that I'd have to holster it, preferably horizontally. The guy at the store made some suggestions about possibly trying out the Droid Eris which is cheaper and thinner, but I wanted a physical keyboard for all my writerly thoughts.

The sales rep also shot me a look when I went straight for the leatherette side-holster. I thought to myself, 'Whatever dude. You're a sales rep at Verizon, and you're probably still in high school.' Though logically flawed, ad hominem attacks make me feel better.

But since I do care very much what my friends think, I'm going to put this out there: Pertaining to men, are side holsters douche-y even if the phone bulge would be a bit awkward? Are there better options for my Droid?

This question is of critical importance to national security and more importantly, my 'action'** rate!

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*my stylized version of 'sexy'

**'action' is a euphemism of a somewhat dirty word that little kids use to call their feline pets