Le Royale Cheese

I am going to ignore that I somehow got back to my hostel without getting jacked. I believed before I passed out that I was following a gay Brazilian and a New York girl to some club. I managed to dance somewhat successfully given my intoxicated state and I might have even kissed a gay guy(s). But the recolllection now that I'm safe in my hostel, locked outside of my room is a bit fuzzy, like all good drunk stories tend to be a bit non-kosher. It is almost 7AM.

It is warm, and the only difficulty lies in a funky keyboard which is almost QWERTY but not quite. Did I mention that I cannot get into my room? Anyway. The events of the last 2 hours are significantly strange to me. I gained consciousness somewhere on the outskirts of Nice, France, without the benefit of a map. My iPhone does not have GPS nor unlimited internet as it does in the US. I was following some girl and a gay guy trying to make progress with said girl, but as we see from this post, I had most likely failed (or had failed or will have failed). So I made my way to landmarks, most notably the Mediterranean Sea.

In the daytime, it is a brilliant shade of azure blue, a color which you can't imagine without seeing it in person. At night, it taunts you of your own frustration in finding a place to rest your head.

But I conquered this foreign obstacle even if I cannot get into my bed. I have reached my final destination to blog at 6:30AM local time. I cannot get into my room, but I am not dead or missing. I am alive and well, and surprised that I somehow made it back to where I should be.

Which is quite beautiful in the daytime with its azure waters, but in the night, it is a bit bland, especially when you're trying to find your home for the next few days. It ended up being okay, since Europeans are quite nice, even in the darkness.

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I honestly cannot believe that I let myself indulge in crazy matters that I have done in this foreign country. I had fully intended to eat a nice dinner of pate and cheese on French bread and maybe have a glass of wine to unwine before going to bed.

But I ended up putting on my pink dress shirt. slacks, and dress shoes not very much later. Which was quite fun when I knew what was going on. Somehow, my separation of reality and extant reality kicked in, and I panicked.

I figured out where my hostel was and I trucked back home in the dark, guided by the sound of the crashing waves on the gravelled shore. Even without a cell phone, I somehow remembered the name of the hostel where I was staying, though I cannot call nor text my friends to open the door.

Which is fine, because it is my own damn fault.

--

It is okay, because Europe has treated me grandly so far.

I had hoped to get my Royale Cheese whilst on my quest for home, but alas, I may have to do that tomorrow.

No worries. The last dude in Barcelona had a saying: No pasa nada. Loosely translated to don't worry about the past.

And I am not. I live in the present, and the present is quite fun, even if a bit unexpected!

I will get my Royale Cheese before I leave France though!

-g

What's Luck Got To Do With It?

...got to do with it? What's luck but a second hand-ed notion?

Did you see what I did there? I subbed "-ed notion" for "emotion"? Please excuse that bit of ego-stroking.

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I don't have very many pet peeves. I don't know or care about the proper use of nauseous vs nauseated. But one of my main ones has to do with the correct use & meaning of words. Luck and fortune can easily be mistaken for good decision-making. But it is a severe disservice to dismiss tough, difficult decision-making as a simple smile of the fates.

As mentioned in the last post, I'm departing for the Old World in a couple days. It's been fun making friends turn that lovely shade of gangrene, and I revel in the "I'm-so-jealous!"s. But I silently bristle when I hear the oft-said "Oh, you're so lucky!"

"No. I made the right decisions; some of them were very hard. Please don't belittle the things I had to give up to make this month-long trip that I may never be able to do again." That's what I want to say, but I'm not that much of a jerk. And they mean well, even if they equate my choices' outcome with that of the Mega Millions winners.

There wasn't a Eurotrip lottery. There weren't cross-Atlantic plane tickets in the middle of the street for any lucky fool to pick up. How is it luck? Not to bore you with details, but suffice it to say, I made several sacrifices including several grand, willing unemployment and time.

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The second part of my annoyance comes from the sometimes tragic reliance on luck. It's sad to see people suckling on the addictive teat of casinos' false promise of wealth. Though some may win big at the house games, most leave broke when they don't regard the trip as entertainment. The simple fact is that the odds are always in the house's favor (with the exception of poker, etc). The right decision is not to play the games.

We are in control of a large number of our actions even if it may not seem like it. You can quit your job if you so choose (though it should probably be for a very good reason in this economy). You can go to Europe for a whole month. You can lose all the weight that you resolved to do every New Year. You can get healthy. You can always try to do everything you want to do. It's not about good nor bad luck.

It's about belief. Then, and more importantly, it's about proper decision-making. If you're a single parent living paycheck to paycheck, then no, you probably can't go to Europe this year. But you can go back to school, get a well-paying job, save up, and when your kids get older, you too can see Barcelona, Paris, London, Berlin, etc. It's not about luck.

--

Back in high school, a teacher ventured a guess that I liked chess:

me: Why is that? I don't really care for chess.

teach: That's surprising, since you seem to like to be in control. And chess isn't a game of chance.

me: Hmm. Never thought about it that way. But I think chess sucks.

--

I think it's because I didn't and don't have the patience to learn all the moves & gambits & such. And it's probably because I can't quite control what my opponent is doing. And it's a stretch to make chess lessons applicable to life situations. I'd much rather play golf. It takes longer, is more expensive, vastly more frustrating, and hence immensely addictive.

As I get older, I recognize decisions and see the hidden choices I can now make. I understand the consequences of my actions, and I forgo immediate satisfactions for more profound rewards. I'm starting to challenge the accepted 9-5-with-2-weeks-vacation-per-year-white-picket-fence-2.5-kids norm. I'm not doing what everyone else is doing (or should be doing) because I'm not trying to be everyone else.

I'm trying to be the best me. Forcing myself to recognize all options and sequelae has helped me tremendously this past year: what works, what doesn't work, what will never work, and what may work in the future.

It's not about luck. It's mostly decision-making and a little skill.

-g