Dear tabloid readers,
I've been following the P-- Principle to the very letter. In the past 6 weeks, I've only had 5 days off from work, and I spent those driving back to Dallas to return my apartment keys (I also won a few bills playing Hold'em in Oklahoma, but that's another story). During this time, I've made a crapload of money and lost a crapload of sleep. 'You gotta get it while the gettin's good,' as the saying goes. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I won't have the opportunity to work extra hours in the future because they hired another night guy. In a way, it's kind of like a buffet line: all that money lying there looks good, but you know it's going to be the death of you if you get too much (or you'll just get filthy filthy rich!).
So writing has been put on hold for now. I plan to post more during my next week off, but you can't ever trust me to follow through. My excuse is that I was raised that way: my parents never kept their promises. That's okay; I'll wipe away my tears with Benjamins.
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During the week before I started my new job, I read a fantastic line in Robert Penn Warren's All the King's Men that I've kept with me whenever I've felt depressed or tired. To be vulgar, it was orgasmic except there wasn't a mess to clean up afterward. And you didn't feel guilty or dirty. Okay, maybe a little dirty like joking with coworkers about the hot girl who just got a prescription for Valtrex 1gm TID ('suuurrreee it's for chicken pox!').
I was going to write about 5 more paragraphs about pretty much nothing, but I'm tired and I'm working tonight. So here is the premature 'grand finale'*.
"Lois looked edible, and you know it was tender all the way through, a kind of mystic combination of filet mignon and a Georgia peach aching for the tongue and ready to bleed gold."
When I read it, I thought, 'That was so much more satisfying than a lap dance, and I didn't even have to pay $20 for it!'
And that's why I read classics instead of the NY Times Bestseller stuff.
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One of the techs figured out my age (early 20s) from when I got my annual flu shot (Go get your flu shot!) and said, 'Wow, you are really mature for your age.'
I laughed and responded, 'Nah, I just keep my professional side real professional. I'm as Jersey Shore-ish as they come.' I proceeded to joke about how people think I'm good at math. It's likely something about the squinty eyes that make us see numbers better.
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*euphemism for ejaculation
